conversations with millenials

I have 2 kids.
Son, 19 
Daughter, 17

Both my kids have grown up in a Christian, fairly conservative home.
Things that have been important to me as a parent:
kindness
compassion
ability to think for yourself

I don't allow parroting of opinions.  You need to be able to back up what you say with facts and reason.  this is not always a fun environment for a kid, I admit; but I find it so terribly important to raise adults who can think for themselves.

Example:
My son had a bunch of friends over prior to our last Presidential election.  One of his friends made a comment about how he was voting for Bernie Sanders.  So.. I asked why.

Friend:  I think he'll make a really good President.

Me:  Why do you think he'll be a good President?

Friend:  Because he's the only one who really cares.

Me:  I don't know much about Bernie.  What does he do that makes you think he cares?  (honestly, this was totally conversational, not interrogating)

Friend:  I don't know.  I just think he does.  

Me:  I'd love to hear more.

Friend:  [stares blankly.  leaves room]

Me: [commenting to my son] He didn't grow up in this house, did he?

Son:  nope.


Before that friend left, I challenged him to do a little reading on why Bernie was so great and that I'd love to hear about why he likes Bernie next time he comes over.

A girl can try.

gift giving

has anybody else noticed the trend towards gift cards and cash giving vs. an actual purchased something?

I certainly have.  I find myself looking for clever ways to wrap gift cards so that they feel more like opening something special.  I'm also not saying I'm going to change that.

I noticed it myself when talking (OK, emailing because who talks anymore) with family about Christmas and the kids "list" so that we might buy presents for the nieces and nephews.  Mind you, we always work to spend just the same amount and make everything fair.  None of this is bad.
Even the youngest kid, who's 11, wants gift cards.  I found myself missing purchasing an actual, thoughtfully purchased gift.  

Am I alone?  Does anybody else miss buying actual gifts?
I do and I don't.

I started buying gift cards when my daughter was in grade school and every weekend would find us at a birthday party for a school friend.  I personally didn't know these kids well enough to really pick something out and my daughter didn't always have a good idea on what to buy.  If we had something specific, we'd get that, but I was often stressing about it.  I would stop by my local Target (be sure to say that properly... Tar ghay.  Thank you.) and one of the ladies in the food court asked me if I was stressing out about another gift.  

Yes, yes I am!  I want it to be special.

Stop stressing about it.  Buy a gift card and be happy.

I thought about that.  Did I actually have 'permission' to buy a gift card for kids I didn't really know?  That's actually... wait... pretty cool.

So started by desire to then WRAP them special.  Because I couldn't just let it go at "giftcard...check.  card...check" and be done.

Ways I've wrapped gift cards:

• My favorite idea for a while (before every 2 year old had a smart phone) was with a disposable camera and a little $1 photo book for them to put the pictures from their party in + gift card.  
• I wrapped them in balloons.
• I wrapped one in a paper mache balloon/egg that didn't try completely but I was so set on the idea of this awesome wrapping idea that I still brought it to the party.  Lord I wish I had a picture of the sad floppy somewhat moist "egg" with a gift card in it.  I bet that family still laugh about the crazy lady and her son with the unknown floppy ball thing they put the gift card in. 
•  I tried to bury one in a home made dinosaur egg.  (note tried, though I have successfully hidden plastic dinosaurs in home made dino eggs that took FOR FREAKING EVER to dry.  That's the party where my mother in law took the pictures and somehow managed to get my VERY LARGE LEOPARD* CLAD BUTT IN EVERY PICTURE!  
• I wrapped them in helium balloons.
• I taped them to bricks and wrapped that.

But where was I?  Oh yes... gifts vs. gift cards

I wonder if part of it is just practicality.  What if I buy something and they don't like it?
What if I buy something and they don't like it and never return it.  Then I just wasted their money and they didn't get anything.  It's almost like a negative gift.

Am I the only person going through this?
Is this really only for a small segment of the people in my life and I should be OK with it because I am able to buy actual gifts for other people?

Hmmm.
.


*leopard clad because all the parties we had for our kids were dress up parties.  I think kids should dress up all the time.  On this particular occasion I was a kitty cat.  My butt was in the pics because I brought a hammer so the kids could "excavate" their own dinosaurs from the now permanently dried concrete home made dino eggs.  I was bending over to make sure each kid had fun pounding away and didn't hurt themselves doing it.


 

surrender

Have I mentioned my current favorite devotional?

https://skyejethani.com/with-god-daily-devotional/


My small group of women are each on a journey.  We have very different lives and seemingly different issues.  As we meet weekly to share and study a book we picked up; we've been (I've been) dissatisfied with the depth of the study we chose.  After 3 weeks, I found myself convicted of my complaining.  If I wanted more depth, my Bible is right there in front of me.  I can always ask God to reveal more to me.  Or... perhaps God wants me to focus on just what is before me.  Am I seeking to feed my pride through some great revelation or understanding I've not had before?  Because pride is a constant companion in my life.  

So I slowed down and looked at what I could glean from the study.  In Acts, comparing Peter and Paul's lives.  My first thought is yada yada yada, been here, done that.  I went through the homework actually being sarcastic at some of the questions asked in the book.  "Really?  That is what you're asking me?"  So I went back over my answers and saw something ... surrender.  They surrendered their lives to the will of God.  LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE IT MADE IN THE WORLD!  Not just in their own lives, but the world.  Jesus built His church on their lives, their witness, their teaching.  How amazing the idea of surrender is.  

Am I brave enough to truly surrender?

So I shared with our little group.
The next day I read my With God Daily devotional.  It was on love and culture.  God's people were slaves and exiles attempting to live Godly lives stuck in pagan lands.  Then we look at Jesus' incarnation.  The difference is He chose his engagement.  He chose to come down to us and engage, to be a servant, to live with us.  Even in the face of rejection, hatred and murder.

That made me think.
I need to surrender without expecting the other people in my life to behave properly.  My surrendering isn't the ticket to getting what I want or having my problems solved.  Surrender is the role Christ had and it's the role I have.

It's hard.  I'm a fighter.  I think sometimes the greatest battles are won by not fighting back.  God is bigger than these issues.  If we need to rest and recuperate I believe God makes space for that in our lives.  Yet we are called to love, regardless of where we are.  

Where is God calling me to surrender?  Where might God be calling you to surrender?

does God want us to enjoy life?

I know many of us enjoy Joyce Meyer’s teaching.  I’m not suggesting you stop listening, but I recently signed up for one of her weekly teachings with a bible study attached and was going through it when I hit the stop button.  

I have to point out that when listening to ANYONE you really need to let the Holy Spirit be a filter of wisdom to what you are hearing.  We are encouraged in Acts 17:11Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true.

To listen and then reason to see if what we are being taught is true.

If you aren’t already aware, there is a lot of concern over some of the things Joyce teaches.  I would be wary of any “name it and claim it”* or “prosperity”* teaching she shares.  *(hereinafter called Gimme Teachers J)

So, what I saw.. FAITH 101: New Life in Christ “Joyce University”God wants you to enjoy your life , and the only way you can do that is to discover and experience the abundant life Jesus gives.

JOHN 10:10 says: The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life , and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).

The bible does NOT SAY God wants us to enjoy life.  Joyce added this and she added it to scripture without a disclaimer that she was doing so (a rule of thumb I use when listening to teachers)  I did a quick word study** on this to see what the original language was and enjoy is not in the list.

What concerns me is this is a false teaching by others Joyce is associated with. Why is this an issue you may ask? 

The idea that God is primarily concerned with our ENJOYMENT or WEALTH or HAPPINESS is just not true.  Look at the fruit of the spirit:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness and self-control (I always get a tickle in my throat on the self-control…)

If this is what God seeks to build in our lives, if this is the product of our loving Him and showing others who He is in our lives… I don’t see enjoyment on the list.

Is enjoyment possible?  ABSOLUTELY… but it’s not a biblical directive, it’s a potential side effect of living for God.  My argument with such teaching (and I’m referring to the Gimme Teaching as a whole here, not just Joyce) is that they treat God like a genie or ATM who wants to give us all good things and we just have to ask.

Moms… do we want to give our kids all good things?  Yes.

Is this all we give our kids?  No.

Are some of the good things we give our kids not considered good by our kids?

As parents we must look ahead to the ramifications of behavior.  We are training our children to be good, decent, contributing members of society and yes, we want them to enjoy life and we want to bless them in any way we can… but that desire to bless them is tempered with not spoiling them by giving them everything they ask for.

God identifies himself as our Father and uses this language repeatedly in talking to us about who He is.

I don’t actually put Joyce in the same camp as the other “name it and claim it” or “prosperity” teachers.  She is more biblically correct than they are.  I also think that she speaks really strongly to people with anxiety and fear issues and teaches boldly about these.  That’s why I don’t just cross her off my list of teachers.  I still think we need to “be Bereans” and be wise, checking what we hear with God’s word.

p.s.

** sources for easy word study online  (images of examples below:

• Read NASB version of bible (I usually pull up paralell versions with NIV and NASB to ensure I understand what I’m reading.)
• (I also like AMP Amplified Bible which is the KJV with a commentary kind of built in to the verses.)
• www.biblegateway.com
• John 10:10 – paralell
• https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%2010%3A10&version=NIV;NASB
  
•  Read the whole paragraph and if necessary the whole chapter.  Remember context is king.
  
• Look up Greek word in Strong's Concordance (and don’t you just love technology?!! You can do that online with a few clicks HERE!)
• 
• Life:
  
• abundantly
  

So it is obvious from this that God wants MORE for our lives and I truly believe that most of us live way below God’s plan for our lives, but I think we focus on temporal things and God focuses on spiritual things.

Word of the Week

Because the world is too serious (and because I work in corporate America and I don't necessarily fit in here) I try to add a splash of color and fun to our offices and now I'm sharing that with you.

Feel free to print and share.

miss my son

My son is 15 years old and acting every moment of those 15 years on a daily basis.
 He is A T T I T U D E in spades and it's been quite a difficult summer for me.

He just left to go to England.  He flew alone and his grandparents met him on the other end.
I came home early to pick him up and he was not happy.  He was angry and more than anything stressed.  OK, I can appreciate that, but still I'm tired of his mouth.  Having to decide between keeping the lines of communication open and holding the line on the respect I need and desire as his mother.  We finally make it into the care and his stress level increases.  We left the house later than he would have liked (mind you we have a maybe 2 hour drive in bad circumstances ahead of us, but the rest is 10 mins of check in, security clearance and then just waiting around for 2-3 hours with your head leaning on a wall because there's too many people and not enough seats.  joy.

And we want to eat because everyone knows you can't bring food through security.
Eating outside of the airport didn't happen.  We found ourselves there and parking then realized food was initially on the agenda.  UG... I realize I will now have to sign over a kidney as a down payment on 3 day old sandwiches and a drink for the 3 of us.  $25 later with 1 sandwich, 1 drink, 1 pack of crisps and 1 muffin...I find a chair to recover from what I've just spend on "food" for my son.  I have chosen not to partake at this point hopeful that I can wait a little while and then leave him to sort it out.

What's that?  On overhead announcement.  Something about a delay with maintenance and they will give us another update at 7:50 - when the flight was initially scheduled to take off.
Long story short... They start boarding at 7:10 and nobody is listening to anything the gate agents are saying about how to line up and who can line up first etc.  They are all but rushing these few people.   I was actually surprised there was so little respect for those in control of the situation. 

Alex got on OK and I appropriately embarrassed him with photos.  I then asked the gate agent if this flight would actually take off tonight or was there a possibility it would not and how long would I have to wait to find out? I live an hour away and if I'm going to have to come back up, I'd like to know.
His suggestion was to ensure the flight had physically take off.  OK... 20 mins later we had our confirmation and I could make the journey home.

Start next day.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I am so teary eyed.  I feel like any minute I am going to start crying.  Not the most professional behavior so I tried to keep it in check; which kind of exhausted me,  today, I am a bit weepy and now I've added cranky.

I guess I just miss my son!

random

I hate traffic.  I used to be kind of chill about it but as my life continues to fill up, I find my patience is wearing thin.  So thin that the idea of picking up and moving to Texas (or some other state where I imagine life is more perfect, a bit slower and ... I guess different) anyway, the idea of picking up and moving someplace with less people becomes very attractive.  I never used to think about this and now I find I'm thinking about it daily.  BUT (of course that was coming) I think I would be the one pushing that decision and I'm not sure I could handle that much on my shoulders -- especially with both my hubby and I working and with the difficult couple of years we've had.  It just doesn't make sense.  That's what makes dreams nice... I'm not committed to it, but knowing that option exists helps.

OMG, my kids are watching Hannah Montana!  They have been so over Miley for years, I'm surprised.  We did love that show!  She was so cute.  It makes me sad that she feels such a need to prove to the world that she's all grown up now and likes to smoke pot and hangs with Snoop Dog (do I even have that rapper right?).  I wish she could have hung in there.  It makes me realize how important it is that we not hang our ideals on people but only on God. 

I have been very anxious all day and I sincerely hate anxiety.  I think I may hate it more than depression, but then, I'm probably better at fighting off depression.  Anxiety is harder for me.  It makes me feel so defeated and I want to run away from myself and distract myself and hide.  What I should do is go "workout" (I say workout like it's a part of my vocabulary, but I assure you it's not.)

OK, I just pinned a bunch of stuff about exercise.  Now I actually feel slightly motivated to do it BUT (yep there's that word again) I would have to get dressed again and put a bra back on.  So when I reason that out a bit I think; seriously... how long does that actually take?  60 seconds?  Maybe 2 minutes?  Am I willing to admit that 2 mins of dressing is the only thing stopping me from a healthier me who feels better and might deal with the anxiety I say I hate so much.

Hmmmm...

fighting the good fight

Depression sucks.
That could be my whole post. Ha
Man, I hit a wall last night and it may have fallen on me because I was completely useless today.  I've been listening to some really good teaching on how God loves us and wants all these good things for us (vs. the typical God is angry with you because you screwed up...again, though I find that most of today's churches actually have a pretty good spin on that so you don't necessarily realize you are feeling condemned).  I was angry and sad and angry and did I mention sad?  I hid in my room all day and grouched at my kids and then realized that this is super self destructive and I have to snap out of it because I do have a job and need to go to work tomorrow. 
Work is usually a good place to be because they keep me busy.
However, the next two months will be a series of events focused on cleaning the office and throwing things away and while I can intellectually appreciate how good that process is, I feel condemned by it and it makes me angry and... frustrated and generally puts me in a bad mood.  So I have to work extra hard to keep myself behaving appropriately.  They generally don't care for people being grouchy.  Especially not me because I'm generally not.

OK, this was a useless post.  I'm going to go back to watching TV now.  Thanks for listening.
Say goodnight Gracie.

Goodnight Gracie.

bra rant

warning... any men reading this will want to skip this week.

OMG!  There is a spider right next to me!!!!!
OK, now it is outside.  Disaster averted.  Whew.  I didn't even scream!  I'm so proud of myself.


I have been blessed/cursed with a formidable breast size.  I don't know why the makers of such things are so convinced that the only thing I want to wear is black, white, or nude colored bra's.

I go to stores like Lane Bryant and shop their bra's which, I will admit, I've had better success with than other places.  Do you know what bra's I own?  White, nude (I think they try to dress up the color by calling it "sugar"), black.

I recent found the most comfortable bra ever and for someone with a large chest this is on par with a miracle.  Most of the time by lunch I have to start talking myself out of whipping my bra off because it's just not socially acceptable.  They become so uncomfortable (bras that is).  I don't always even make it home before the sigh of relief known by every woman in America escapes from me the moment that bra is off! 

Then I found these Cushion Comfort Bra's and I am barely aware of wearing them!  Some genius added padding all around the under wire so they are way more comfortable and I don't hurt at the end of the day.  This is now the only bra I will wear.  They seem to offer colors, but they don't offer many and they sell out so quickly it's obvious they need to have more inventory on them.  The distributors probably make 5 in my size and they sell out before I even know they are there.  Plus, since they only offer a few in my size, they are never on sale which means I'm stuck paying a boat load of money for all my bras.  I'm a bargain shopper, this irks me.

At the end of the day, I suppose it doesn't "matter" what color bra I'm wearing.  Nobody but me really knows it's there.  But still! 

So my other rant is concerning my daughter.  WHY IS EVERY BRA OUT THERE A PUSH UP BRA?  I mean really?!!  Have we become such a ridiculous culture that even C or D cups are push up now?  and I don't mean lined or support I mean like "hey girls we can increase you by 2 cup sizes with this little baby, come on over and let's crank that chest up to porn star status in a jiffy."  (Do porn stars wear bras?  I guess for a minute they do.  hmmm, you know what I mean.) 

My daughter just wants a pretty bra that doesn't add to what she already has.  Support, coverage, something pretty.  Not a huge list of things needed for an undergarment.  Perhaps the makers of these bras are all overachievers and they can't stop adding features until there is nothing else they can really add.  Maybe the creators of bras actually need a support group to work on their self esteem so they can stop adding more and more and more.  Because sometimes, less is enough.

Sigh...
Maybe I should become a bra designer and then I will realize that the capitalism behind everything makes pleasing everyone a fiscal impossibility.

Any suggestions?
What is your bra rant?

My life, am I actually going to say more isn't more?  I don't think that's ever come out of my mouth before.  Not seriously anyway.

I'm officially cool

Because I now know:
how to spell shawty (vs. shorty which is the decidedly less cool spelling)
and what it actually means (term of endearment for your "bro" or your necessarily hot/sexy girlfriend.)

you're welcome.

handicapped bathrooms

So, am I the only one who wonders about the layout of these stalls?  It's like the designers have to have all these things checked off on their list but they don't think about how best to make it work.

I understand the larger stall, I understand the bar and the higher seat.
But seriously?  If I, as a mostly able bodied person, struggle to reach toilet paper that is basically hanging on the ground, how on earth is a handicapped person supposed to be able to easily reach that?  Shouldn't it be higher?  In fact, why are so many of the toilet paper dispensers so low?  I'm not even tall and I find them too low in general. 

Is it because they have to have that bar in there?  But then who decided that the toilet paper had to be super low?  If they are sitting on the higher seat, wouldn't it be easier to reach?

Just wondering.

strange conversations

conversation with friend:

Do you know what I was thinking about last night?

No.
Or should I say not yet.

Things that smell like the color they are. 
For example:
  My mom gave us a body wash from Bath and Body Works called "Country Chic."   It was purple.  And I was like, yes, this smells purple. 
Then I thought about the people who do that for a living.

See country chic, I would have thought it should be blue because I associate country with light blue.  I would expect it to smell blue and possibly make me sneeze.

Oh we would be good at that job. 
  Except I wouldn't want to be a professional smeller, all that stuff gives me a headache.

Then she sends me a picture of the bottle (because the visual is obviously important here and you can't smell on IM.)

And I feel duty bound to explain that this is, in fact, blue; not purple.

But apparently it's more puple in person.  She's bringing it in tomorrow to show me.

 

when is it too much?

What does it say about me that this bugs me?

Stars and Their Pricey Cars

I have a problem with someone affording a $200,000 car.  It seems...excessive! 
Am I wrong? 
I have to ask myself "Where is the line?"
"At what point does something cross over from OK to greedy?" 
I don't know.  But this feels wrong somehow. 
You know what comes to mind?  There are children starving in the world and he's driving a $200,000 car.  That's not (wait for it...) fair.

Yet, I tell my kids daily that life isn't fair.  We were never promised fair.  Even in the Constitution, we are given the right to the PURSUIT of happiness.  There's nothing about fairness or even a promise of happiness itself. 

So is this just jealousy on my part because I want something better?  Except, I don't personally buy things that are expensive (at least not to me).  Perhaps someone who makes significantly less money than I do thinks my spending habits are out of control.  That my living in Irvine is excessive. Where I see that I've worked hard to live someplace I like.

Yeah, I do think people should be free to pursue their dreams and work hard and earn a fair wage.  Perhaps my issue is that certain industries don't seem to have a fair wage?  Entertainment and professional sports seem out of control to me.  Yet, people are willing to pay and who am I to say they cannot spend their money on that?  I'm willing to say I love movies and TV.  I appreciate a really well written and produced show and those people should be rewarded for their talent and work.

It is interesting to me how many topics ultimately come back to God for me.  Perhaps because so many topics ultimately come back to some kind of morality and how does one measure morality without a standard?  That standard comes from God for me. 

Then I wonder, how do we fix these things?  How do we fix extreme poverty?  Why, when we know that on a global scale we have enough food for everyone do people still starve to death?  I believe it is because people can be evil, selfish, greedy, self-serving.  Because they seek to further themselves vs helping those around them.  Corruption in the countries suffering the most where there are extreme differences in what the have's have and the have not's don't.  That corruption ultimately kills.  Greed is bad.  (sorry Michael Douglas)  There is such thing as enough. (?)

However, I don't ultimately believe in socialism because people are not basically good.  We have the same problems with socialism because greedy, power hungry people want to be in charge and often are.  Those who are more motivated by such things often make their way to the top.  Which would be OK with me if they were "fair."

I don't ultimately believe in capitalism because people are not basically good.  (same argument as above with the exception that there is perhaps more opportunity for the have not's to rise)

hmmmm



I think this one is going to take some more thinking.

(don't even get me started on Congress...)

rant

You know what I hate?  I hate when I go to to an online store for plus size women and they have skinny women modeling the clothes.  What is up with that? 

In all fairness, the clothes don't even look the same on a skinny girl and a fat girl.  It's poor marketing if nothing else.

OK weak rant, but I think this everytime I go on a site.


You know what is funny to me... of all the posts I've written, the two that got the most views were about cleaning your washing machine!

word of the week

I create a word of the week fun page for work and thought I would share them with you.  I post them in the copy room and kitchen so people have something fun to look at while waiting for something.

cajole       (kuh-JOHL ), verb

1. a: To persuade with flattery or gentle urging:  coax

1. b: To obtain from someone by gentle persuasion

2:  To deceive with soothing words or false promises

Example: 

· Brianna was able to cajole some money from her father before
leaving for the movies.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.  Stephen Wright

You can observe a lot by just watching.  Yogi Berra

 

appliances and marriage

This is a two-fer.
I hit my home appliance topic (see here and here) and my living together topic.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/columnist/2012/10/16/craig-wilson-dishwasher/1619899/

By the way, I tried not rinsing and my dishwasher returned concrete food particles that glistened on my dishwasher.  I think there should be a caviat that your dishwasher needs to be purchased with the last decade for this to be true.  I don't just rinse, I clean my dishes and use the dishwasher as a sanitising process because I don't like having my hands in hot water (not to mention I don't like drying the now clean dishes).  My dishwasher is an original appliance that I think the Caroline Ingals used.  I've had to replace the basket where the silverware goes and I have to purchase special crystal powder to go in each cycle to keep the hard water from destroying the inside of the washer (which had a yucky film on it) and my dishes.  However, I'm the only one that remembers to use it so I'm always checking the dishwasher and often rewashing things.  Sheesh.  This all makes me sound like one of those cool wives/mom's I always admire who run this great household and everything is clean and dinner is on the table if not at the same time, on a nightly basis.  sigh... One day I might attain such a position in life.  But since I'm guessing that will require me putting cooking and cleaning much higher on my To Do list that is ever has been... I won't be holding my breath.

now I have to clean my washing machine?

When did this become a thing?

Clicking this button will do nothing because I am not linking to something I deem as unnecessary.
Wait, when I think about that, I may not be entirely honest there.
Still, no link.

Now, on top of having to clean my clothes in the washing machine I also have to actually clean my washing machine?

Did I miss something?
Don't I put soap and alternate hot water and even bleach into this machine which churns and activates said soap/water/bleach?!?

Now I have to clean that too?

Hmmm, considering there are dishes in my sink from 3 days ago, I'll add this to the bottom of the list.

frustrated

So, I met this great Christian counselor and he was amazing!  He talks about spiritual warfare and prayed with me.  I was very encouraged about my marriage from that first meeting.

But my health insurance sucks.  I seriously wonder what exactly I'm paying so much money for because with health insurance I can barely afford to go to the doctor with the deductible looming over my head!

I asked if the counselor would take less money per session and he doesn't do that.  I'm disappointed, but honestly, I totally understand!  He deserves to be paid his wage!

But now I'm feeling even more frustrated because I feel like I've been "teased" into having some hope and now that's been taken away.  Do I suck it up and pay $100 per session or look for someone else?

I feel rejected.
I don't like feeling rejected.

Then it pulls up all the feelings I have about marriage.
I do not want to be divorced but I want to be in a better relationship than I am.

I look at other people who have divorced and now have "good" second marriages and I think am I supposed to do that?  What about the idea I have that divorce is bad?  That I should work on my marriage.  OK, obviously I know I should work on my marriage and that I should avoid divorce, but at what point do I give up?

Sheesh!

how to cook

One of my coworkers was talking about how she couldn't melt chocolate without burning it and would like to learn how to cook.  I put this together for her and realized, I know more about it than I thought. 

Computer is still being fixed so this will be short.

Here is a good place to start.  Honestly, just reading about how to cook, you gain a lot of info.  http://www.wikihow.com/Cook
A good cookbook -- or several -- is important.
I have the traditional standby by Betty Crocker (for that I seriously double all the spices, but that was after learning how to make things from it).
Silver Palate Cookbooks really kick things up in taste and variety.  A friend gave me their cookbook as a gift and it's a much better option once you have a bit more comfort.
Another tip:  WRITE IN YOUR COOKBOOK.  Did it come out OK?  Did you drop an ingredient you don't care for?  Make notes so you know what you liked or didn't like for next time.

Spice Charts:  (I used these for a long time, and could probably stand an update.  Helped me learn what to use for what and together)

http://www.spiceadvice.com/newsa/usage/chart.html

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art1431.asp

Find a website you like with recipes or come up with things you like to eat and I am willing to help you.  There are lots of short cuts you can learn.

Things I've learned over the years:

• Don't leave the kitchen.  the fastest way for dinner to be ruined in my home is for me to walk out of the kitchen.  I now bring my tablet in to half watch something or I listen to the radio or a podcast.
• Read the entire recipe all the way through and make sure you understand it all
• Have all ingredients ready before starting (ex:  chopped, washed, measured)
• Don't cook everything on high (I know it seems faster, but it cooks food uneven and often burns food)
• Remember that food continues to cook after you remove it from the heat.  Especially important in baking.
• Always let meat "rest" before cutting it (10 mins, to allow the juice to reabsorb)
• Start with only what the recipe calls for. (as you learn how to cook and what you like, you can change things up, but you don't want to "break" the rules until you understand them. 
• Baking is chemistry.  What you use is important.  There is a balance of oil, sugar, flour, etc.  And know that baking soda and baking powder are not the same thing!
• Most cookbooks have a "how to" section.  Read it.  They actually know what they are talking about.  (imagine that!)
• Have at least one good sharp knife.  Know how to use it.
• Personally, I don't cook using much oil, I prefer cooking spray just because it cuts on the grease.

computer virus edition: Williams & Sonoma Haters

Nothing says I'm trying to write a blog like reblogging what somebody else wrote. 
Still... I chuckled.

http://deadspin.com/5959212/the-haters-guide-to-the-williams+sonoma-catalog