Oh friend, how do I encourage you? You are so downtrodden and disillusioned. You know God is good and yet doubt His goodness because of circumstances. It's so our humanity that stands in the way of understanding God.
My heart is heavy for you.
I see how our own attempts to control our lives can hinder our walk with God. I see it with such clarity in my own life and still I choose my attempts at control or escape vs. allowing God to lead me down the path to His will. I think of Daniel, who regardless of circumstances stood for God and refused to be burdened by the world around him. Even to the point of being alone and plotted against... thrown in a lions den. I want to be that brave in the face of all that the enemy throws at me, the world discourages me and my own failings frustrate me.
I want that bravery--that faith --for you too. I want you to choose this day whom you serve and trust Him for every provision. Today, tomorrow and your future. I encourage you to trust God. You know He's big enough, but your own fear and thinking cloud your understanding of Him. I'm praying that God will reach down and touch you. That He will give you peace. That you will loosen the hand clutched around your life and open it; giving it all to Him. That if brokenness is the way through to the other side, you will lay before Him broken and free. That would would claim the promises of God and hold tight to them knowing He is in control and that you can trust Him.
I always see myself in the future looking back on whatever my current difficult circumstance is and I think what I would like to be true of myself during this time. I want to be the parent who trusts God for the future of their child -- even if he never turns his life around. Even if he ends up dead at an early age.
I want my faith to be fully reliant on my Creator because He is I AM. I look at all the destruction of lives that have come before me and desire to be a beacon to others that regardless of my circumstances God is good. That's what I want to see.
I know our lives are different and our faith is different. I pray that you would feel the boldness of Jesus and His resurrection power that He can and will conquer whatever lies in your life that stands between you giving it all to Him.
Let go of your control. Seek intimacy with Him and his people. Do what you know to do and Trust God for the results. Even if it takes another year. Even if it takes 2 more years. Be joyful in today and His provision and shout that it is enough, not because it's what you want, but because it is what God has provided. Let your life be a celebration of the manna offered daily to you.
Lord, be with us. Help us see you are enough. Help us see Your provision. Let us lift up our fear, our loneliness and our control to you sacrificially as an offering to You.
Be with us Lord.