Wednesday, January 18, 2017

why I'm good at constructive criticism

So I was the girl who cried whenever anybody told me something about myself that I didn't like. It hurt so much.  Definitely struggled with all or nothing thinking (if you say 1 thing bad about me, I must be all bad -- silly really).

I was a walking contradiction: certain I was right and horrified when I was wrong; always worried people didn't like me, yet I was unwilling to change.  Sounds like the perfect recipe to becoming a crazy cat lady on welfare without friends (although cats can count as friends).  While I have crazy cat lady tendencies (I have previously had up to 9 cats, but am down to only 2 now), I have come far on this journey of understanding.  A journey I owe in part to an "argument" a friend of mine had with her husband.

Maddy & Matt wanted a new bed.  Well, Matt wanted a new bed, but he wasn't quite ready to fork out the cash for a new bed so he was kind of stalling.  Maddy wanted the new bed and was pushing.  Typical marital discussion.  Maddy is a typical chick, battling the ever encroaching pounds on a regular basis so Matt figures (well, I'm assuming he thought about it, but one could easily argue he didn't think at all) he has the perfect way to put off the discussion of a new bed.  

"I don't want to buy a new bed until you've lost your weight.  We don't want to ruin it."

(This is where you take a breath and calm down -- unlike my reaction honestly.  
Better?  OK, read on before you seek to hurt Matt.)

My response to this discussion was OUTRAGE!
Maddy's response was laughter.
Then, she explained and began a change in my life that I will be forever grateful for.

Maddy:  I laugh because it's not true.  I'm not so overweight that I'm going to hurt a bed. Matt just doesn't know how to articulate not wanting to buy a bed right now.  He doesn't think I'm overweight to that degree and even if he did think that, it's not true.  If it's not true, I don't need to worry about it.  I just talk to God about the truth and allow Him to guide me and focus on His plans.

I'll be honest, it took a long time for that to fully sink in.  Years later, I've fully embraced this truth and it's amazing!!  

News flash, we aren't perfect!  I'm not perfect, I mess up stuff on a daily basis!  If someone needs to call me on that (and they often do), that's OK.  I can work on the things I need to change and talk with God regularly about what is on the agenda.  It's powerful.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

I suck at...

You remember that joke, "I can't be out of money I still have checks left?"?  Totally me.  

OK, so it's not that I think I still have money left if I still have checks -- by the way, does anybody still write checks?  It's been so long since I've written a check!  I always feel like writing a check means I'm trying to get away with something because it's so antiquated.  Oh and because of "Catch Me If You Can"  -- it's more than I never think about how much money I have.  OR, I totally underestimate how much money I've spent.  Put those two things together and it will quickly take a second job to manage your overdraft charges.  I used to be able to get them reversed (I don't suck at talking, which I might have mentioned before), but now a days, they take one look at my account and probably think I am a terrible person.

Fortunately, there is a husband in all of this.  A husband who is the opposite of me in almost every way possible.  The plus side of this is he is great with finances.  Frugal and responsible!  After 26 years, he knows how much rope to give me and while I know I often make him a little nuts, he really doesn't complain much.  (I should really do something nice for him.)

Time management.
It shames me to say this.  I see the value and importance of this trait.  It frustrates me in my boss.  I see the irritation in others in meetings etc.  I work on it.  I really do.
I've read the articles (no doubt written by people who are always 10 minutes early to everything) about how people who are late are just too self focused or don't have respect for others.  Honestly, that's not it.  I'm... gosh.  My mind is in 100 places at once.  I so rarely focus on just one thing I'm not even sure how to do it.  (For instance, I've been writing this for an hour and have done 10 other things, stopping and know how it is.)
My husband tells me I underestimate how long things are going to take.  I think my drive home will be 15 mins (but it takes 30).  I think I can get up, get ready, go to the store, get gas and get to work in 45 mins (it takes 90 minutes).  I think a trip to the craft store involves time stopping from the time I walk IN until the time I walk OUT.  Not true.  I try to do too much and I'm apparently awful at judging time.    

Did I mention I'm working on this?  I have to say, smart hones in many ways are huge helpers on this.  Now I'm setting a new goal of trying to be 10 mins early to everything.  Then, if I have a few minutes left, I can go on facebook or something.  It actually works pretty well.

Putting Things Away.
I don't mind cleaning as long as it involves water.  I'll get in the shower and scrub, I'll clean toilets, I'll wash dishes... no problem.  Don't ask me to clear the table or put my clothes away.  I've always wondered why this is... I don't know but it makes even me crazy.  Something about the process really stresses me out.  It's like all I can think about is getting it over with -- or more accurately, getting away from the task.  

OK, that's enough self loathing for today.  :)

Actually, I don't loath myself. 
My outlook is different.
Failure is how we learn.
It's how we grow.

Monday, January 16, 2017

The Struggle is Real

So, new year.  I, like many others, was very ready for 2016 to be over.  It was a very hard year.  I'm not really a "new year" type of person in that I don't make new year resolutions or think of it as a special time for things to be made new.  I honestly see every day that way.  (That and there is a rebel inside of me that refuses to be like other people.)  Anyway.... new year.  I've been working on some changes for the past 8 months or so.  
Career change that didn't go quite as I planned.  So... another career change with more start up and learning.  I won't lie, I'm overwhelmed.  I'm a little bit discouraged, but I refuse to stop trying.

Sat down to work on my Passion Planner today (love this book) and thought... it's a little slow right now, I'll work on the Passion Plan Roadmap.  Goal is to take 5 mins and write out a wish list for Lifetime / 3 years / 1 year / 3 months.  Write any/everything that comes to mind.

Mine is so small.  I have somewhat small goals.  We've been in this grinder for several years now and I realize through this task how much it impacts hope and future and goals.  It's not like I need to have a plan for world domination or world peace, but my goals feel fairly average.

  • Clean home.
  • Home I can entertain in.
  • Financial Freedom
  • Attaining the job I'm now studying for.
  • Kids working.
  • 1 of my business ideas to start making money.
I'm OK with this list.  These are actually great goals for today.  For the next 3 months.  For the next year.  These are things that need to happen and working towards them -- and accomplishing them -- will lift the pressure in our life.  It will make room for bigger goals.

We have to start somewhere.

I am adding an appointment to my calendar to review my goals in 3 months and see where I am.  Go through this process again.  We'll see where we end up.