Monday, August 20, 2012

I'll do anything...

"I'll do anything to lose weight...
Except eat right and exercise."

yup... pretty much sums it up.

Friday, August 17, 2012

humor and weightloss

IM from today....

me:  I think my mantra this week should be NO COOKIES

K:  that's doable
K:  remember: attainable goals

me:  I'm not even hungry but those crack cookies are down there SINGING TO ME
me:  wooing me
me:  calling me
me:  they have to be one of the best cookies ever

K: My sis likes the deep fried cakes of EVIL

me:  that's what they are, deep fried cakes of EVIL

K:  think of the cookies as the EVIL brother to the donuts
K:  only baked

me:  I used to not ever have them (deep fried cakes of EVIL), then slowly started partaking them again

K:  not too big on the EVIL death cakes

me:  same with french fries
me:  though I find those easier to have just a few and stop

K:  and they are soooo tasty
K:  EVIL deep fried potato sticks

me:  I'd honestly rather have "sweet potato's" (quotes because they are really yams.  Yams = orange, sweet potato's = white, slightly yellow)

K:  silly

me:  COOKIES SHUT UP!!!!

...later...

K:  are you working late tonight?

me:  what cookies?
me:  honest, I walked by and they JUMPED into my mouth
me:  chased me even
me:  Horror Movie Cookies

K:  you are a baaaad girl
K:  just remember, everyone usually dies in horror movies.

stupid deep fried EVIL's baked brother

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

7 hour adventure

If cursing is offensive to you, I recommend you read the disclaimer at the end first.  Just for the record, it's not my cursing... it's on another blog I link to.  I'd hate for you to be offended.

If you don't know why going to see Jenny Lawson is terribly important, you might want to start here.


If you understand why I did this... then please keep reading.

I went on an adventure Tuesday night.  The excitement began inside me when I decided to go and just built until I arrived.  I love stuff like this!  I only wish a couple of my friends could have joined me!

I got to work early so I could leave early so I could drive home to pick up my kids and drive to San Diego (from Orange County and not the southern end of the OC!).  Our adventure lasted 7 hours and cost me WAY too much money!  (way way too much money)

I had it all worked out.  Leaving early from work I could miss most of the traffic, we'd listen to a book on tape to make our journey more pleasant (and hopefully avoid fighting over different music tastes and my desire to listen to NPR which my (woefully uneducated) children find boring).  However, I left the cassette converter thingy in my husband's car and while I planned to use a mini speaker I recently purchased, I learned that even with the speaker at top volume... a Kindle just does not want to be loud enough for 4 people to listen to it in a car while moving.

So the book on tape was abandoned.  Which seemed sad to me because I actually had to argue with my kids to listen to it in the first place and having finally convinced them; I now had no satisfaction in their enjoyment doing something they initially didn't want to do.  (Mom's are like that.)

We drove.  The kids complained about being hungry and commented on each potential eating establishment as we drove down the freeway at breakneck speeds (all our necks are fine thank you).  We missed all the OC traffic (probably because I wasn't willing to feed my poor children (hey!  I told them to have a sandwich before I got home!).  Made it half way down the 78 and slowed to about 20mph.  JOY.  We started reading Jenny's book...we started laughing and my driving became more erratic.

Wow... I wrote that much and we haven't even met Jenny yet!  OK, I'll speed this up.


After stopping for gas (because my readout that tells me how many miles I can drive on the gas in my car went from 2 to 0 about 10 miles away from our destination) we finally arrived at the Barnes & Noble in Mira Mesa at 5:55pm.  Having read other blog posts about the crowds, I knew it was going to be busy! Alas, there were no more chairs left and even the open space around the chairs was quickly filling up.  I ran to buy the book (gasp, choke-- who knew a hardback book cost THAT much?  I'm an e-book girl all the way!) and ran back to secure my place in the crowd.  (Kids hung out in the car for a bit)

I met some great people and we all had a lot of fun hanging out.  One of those people was Melanie who kindly took pictures and shared them with me.  She also writes about the event on her blog here.

My favorite picture is this one...
My daughter looks so pretty and creepy holding and petting the chicken while the rest of us discuss what twine is and why it's important.

I think we overwhelmed the bookstore.  Apparently the last time they saw a crowd like this Ozzy Osborne was there.  We completely overwhelmed the A/C!  I mean girl, it was HOT in there!  We stood, we sat, we took pictures, we waited.  My kids brought the metal chickens in to be autographed and I was surprised to see I wasn't the only metal chicken bearer.  
Chicken Brigade... added humor, the redhead in the striped shirt is *afraid of chickens*
Then Jenny arrived.  I think the only thing that kept us from mobbing Jenny and  giving her the biggest group hug she's ever had is our knowledge of her anxiety and crowd issues.  We clapped and they worked out the microphone, then she warned everyone that she was about to say F*** a lot and started reading a chapter from her book.  (a particular favorite of mine about ExLax)  We howled with laughter.  

Q&A time - best question goes to the man in the back.  "Jenny, is there anything I can do to dissuade my wife from buying a stuffed moose?"

Jenny:  No.

Ha!  She said more, but the crowd egged them on and agreed she needed the moose.  In fact, Jenny said, "Who wouldn't want a moose?!"

The line for autographs was loooong and I was super grateful to be at about the halfway point.  I think the line winded through most of the store (I couldn't actually see because I'm vertically challenged).  I thought a bunch of people had gone home and said as much when I was corrected by a taller person who saw the truth.

I had books and chickens signed while confessing my concern for being voted "worst parent" for bringing my children along to meet her.  Jenny assured me they were old enough for me to avoid such a title.
See Jenny's hand there signing the book! 

My daughter is still holding the chickens!

Some of those items signed are gifts to friends.  I'm so looking forward to the giving of said gifts!!  It really is the best thing to share laughter!!

I think that's what I love about Jenny so much.  She takes all the events in her life and finds a way to laugh about it.  Maybe not immediately, but the laughter is there to find.  

Thanks for letting us laugh along with you Jenny!

Thanks for introducing me to Jenny, Kathy!  I can never repay you!


Disclaimer:  I do not curse in this post (or really in this blog).  However, I am a fan of certain blogs and some do curse.  The nature of myself and the internet leads to many links and I would hate for you to not realize what you're getting yourself into.  Specifically here, The Bloggess curses a fair bit.  It's not the backbone of her humor (as some comedians use it) but it is liberally sprinkled throughout her site.  She is still hilarious and one of a few must read blogs on my list.  But I appreciate it isn't everyone's cup of tea.  

Bloggess Indoctrination


If cursing is offensive to you, I recommend you read the disclaimer at the end first.  Just for the record, it's not my cursing... it's on another blog I link to.  I'd hate for you to be offended.

This is my Indoctrination for other blog posts I've written.  It seemed easier to do a separate post since r others, you do indeed require indoctrinating.

Note:  I really do more than just re-post Jenny's blogs.  But she's so awesome, how can I not share!!!

The indoctrination begins here...(click the towels)

continues when you buy and read this... (click the book)

and ends when this makes sense to you... 
(you can click if you want, but it's probably just what you thought it was.  A stuffed baby black unicorn.)

You're welcome!
P.S.  If by change you missed it, this is seriously worth reading.
as is this


Disclaimer:  I do not curse in this post (or really in this blog).  However, I am a fan of certain blogs and they do curse.  The nature of myself and the internet leads to many links and I would hate for you to not realize what you're getting yourself into.  Specifically here, The Bloggess curses a fair bit.  It's not the backbone of her humor (as some comedians use it) but it is liberally sprinkled throughout her site.  She is still hilarious and one of a few must read blogs on my list.  But I appreciate it isn't everyone's cup of tea.  

OMG Beyonce!


If cursing is offensive to you, I recommend you read the disclaimer at the end first.  Just for the record, it's not my cursing... it's on another blog I link to.  I'd hate for you to be offended.


My children are just unflappable!  I love that my loudness and fondness for making a spectacle of myself doesn't often bother them too much and that occassionally they even enjoy it!

Last week, I went shopping with my daughter for some things my daughter needed and we found ourselves at Ross.  We didn't find what we needed, but we did find THESE!!!

We rounded a corner and I saw them, standing on the shelf at eye level!  I exclaimed!
It's Beyonce!

I was completely entranced in my own little world of chickens and failed to notice that I started several people (causing one to jump) and created a small stir as people frantically looked around to see where Beyonce*was!  (I can only assume they were thinking of the singer).  

I ran up to her and pulled her off the shelf then hugged her for the preciousness she is.

Then I spotted a second chicken!

There are TWO!  I can have one too! 
(you will note that I spelled both two/too's correctly)

I debated the wisdom in spending $40 on metal chickens and tried to restrain myself by taking just one from the shelf.  I walked around blissfully happy for I've been looking for an apartment sized Beyonce for about a year.  

I made my way to the checkout and just as it was my turn, I pushed my daughter out of line to go get the other Beyonce QUICK!

I was next.  I told the young woman (oh man, did I just say that?) at the checkout that she needed to charge me for two of these as my daughter went back to get the other one.  

Checkout girl:  You really like chickens, eh?

Me:  Actually, I don't, but I love this one.  It's a long story, but a good one.  You need to go check it out on line.  (I then proceeded to tell her about The Bloggess and she was interested enough to take extra receipt paper from the till and write it down!  My chicken love must have been contagious!)

I cannot wait to give the other chicken away!  

The best part of this story is listening to my daughter tell it to others!  Thanks for being you Hannah and appreciating me!


Disclaimer:  I do not curse in this post (or really in this blog).  However, I am a fan of certain blogs and they do curse.  The nature of myself and the internet leads to many links and I would hate for you to not realize what you're getting yourself into.  Specifically here, The Bloggess curses a fair bit.  It's not the backbone of her humor (as some comedians use it) but it is liberally sprinkled throughout her site.  She is still hilarious and one of a few must read blogs on my list.  But I appreciate it isn't everyone's cup of tea.  

Friday, August 10, 2012

binder clips

There is a story behind why this is SO great to me!
The admin who had my position before I did was a hoarder.  She hoarded office supplies in a big way.  Our division went through a huge spring cleaning and we managed to divest ourselves of 40 filing cabinets!!  As we went through them, we kept finding stashes of office supplies; often locked.  There was a filing cabinet with one drawer full of pens -- all of them so old, they didn't work anymore and they had never been used!  They just dried out.

I think in all we found like 7 filing cabinets of office supplies.  The best one was a lateral file drawer FULL of  binder clips!  All the same size, most of them grouped and put into sandwich bags with 5 little boxes in each bag.  I stood there for minutes.  I took a picture (which I sadly cannot find because I would truly love to share this with you).  I just couldn't for the life of me imagine an instance when one would need to purchase so many binderclips!  What possible eventuality would one plan for to have so many hundreds of binder clips?  It's not like they are going to be useful in a Zombie Apocolopyse or something important like that!

A coworker, whom I shared this story, just sent me this and I so enjoyed looking through it.

I hope you do too!


http://www.buzzfeed.com/kevindanger/54-uses-for-binder-clips-that-will-change-your-lif-555z

The cleverness of humanity always delights me!

Monday, August 6, 2012

hysteria

Um.... really?
This was an uncontroversial treatment?

An article about the Top 10 Controversial Psychiatric Disorders
One being:  Hysteria
In the Victorian era, hysteria was a catch-all diagnosis for women in distress. The symptoms were vague (discontentment, weakness, outbursts of emotion, nerves) and the history sexist (Plato blamed the wanderings of an "unfruitful" uterus).

The treatment for hysteria? "Hysterical paroxysm," also known as orgasm. Physicians would massage their patients' genitals either manually or with a vibrator, a task they found tedious but surprisingly uncontroversial. More contentious was the practice of putting "hysterical" women on bed rest or demanding that they not work or socialize, a treatment that often worsened anxiety or depression.

According to a 2002 editorial in the journal Spinal Cord, the diagnosis of hysteria gradually petered out throughout the 20th century. By 1980, hysteria disappeared from the DSM in favor of newer diagnoses like conversion and dissociative disorders.
Thank you once again Internet for giving me a laugh.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

why I love the internet

There is a website for just about everything out there!
Case in point...

I am fat and I want to cut my hair shorter.  EVERYONE loves long hair.  So getting opinions on this is difficult because the standard response is "don't cut your hair."

So.... I decided to do what I do for most things.  I asked Google.

http://www.fatgirlsguidetoliving.com/2010/05/20/the-fat-girls-guide-to-flattering-hair-cuts-for-round-faces/

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

strange day

today, in here it was nuts.  So many people are having problems and so far it's not me personally (well not entirely, I'll get back to that later.)  But I care about the people around me.  I listen, I try to help and try to avoid "solving" because you know that just leads to a bad place.


So I'm laughing at some things on YouTube and came acrross this.  Thought I'd share.


http://youtu.be/r5R8gSgedh4

The comments had me just dyingl


Inline image 5
 
Bridgette
count it all joy...