encouragement & faith

Oh friend, how do I encourage you?  You are so downtrodden and disillusioned.  You know God is good and yet doubt His goodness because of circumstances.  It's so our humanity that stands in the way of understanding God.   

My heart is heavy for you.  

I see how our own attempts to control our lives can hinder our walk with God.  I see it with such clarity in my own life and still I choose my attempts at control or escape vs. allowing God to lead me down the path to His will.  I think of Daniel, who regardless of circumstances stood for God and refused to be burdened by the world around him.  Even to the point of being alone and plotted against... thrown in a lions den.  I want to be that brave in the face of all that the enemy throws at me, the world discourages me and my own failings frustrate me.  

I want that bravery--that faith --for you too.  I want you to choose this day whom you serve and trust Him for every provision.  Today, tomorrow and your future.  I encourage you to trust God.  You know He's big enough, but your own fear and thinking cloud your understanding of Him.  I'm praying that God will reach down and touch you.  That He will give you peace.  That you will loosen the hand clutched around your life and open it; giving it all to Him.  That if brokenness is the way through to the other side, you will lay before Him broken and free.  That would would claim the promises of God and hold tight to them knowing He is in control and that you can trust Him.

I always see myself in the future looking back on whatever my current difficult circumstance is and I think what I would like to be true of myself during this time.  I want to be the parent who trusts God for the future of their child -- even if he never turns his life around.  Even if he ends up dead at an early age.  

Even if.... 
I want my faith to be fully reliant on my Creator because He is I AM.  I look at all the destruction of lives that have come before me and desire to be a beacon to others that regardless of my circumstances God is good.  That's what I want to see.

I know our lives are different and our faith is different.  I pray that you would feel the boldness of Jesus and His resurrection power that He can and will conquer whatever lies in your life that stands between you  giving it all to Him.

Let go of your control.  Seek intimacy with Him and his people.  Do what you know to do and Trust God for the results.  Even if it takes another year.  Even if it takes 2 more years.  Be joyful in today and His provision and shout that it is enough, not because it's what you want, but because it is what God has provided.  Let your life be a celebration of the manna offered daily to you.

Lord, be with us.  Help us see you are enough.  Help us see Your provision.  Let us lift up our fear, our loneliness and our control to you sacrificially as an offering to You.  
Be with us Lord.
Amen.

Anger

I'm so angry.

I'm angry with my prodigal boy and his seemingly determined decisions to NOT move forward in life.

I'm angry at his failure to launch.

I'm angry at my failure as his mother to better prepare him for launching.

I'm angry at my bulldozer personality that so often chose not to listen to his father, but was so set on my own way being the right way.

I'm angry at all the things I know I did wrong as a parent.

I'm angry at my prodigal for refusing to stay on medication and allow it to do him some good.

I'm angry at him for letting depression get a foothold constantly and thus making forward motion that much harder.

I'm angry that he refused to work more and have the money needed to take care of himself.

I'm angry at all the things that have transpired that make  our finances so difficult and scary.

I'm angry at our landlord for not fixing all the things we want fixed.

I'm angry that I  hate cleaning and see such evidence of that around me.

Did I mention I'm angry?

For the love of prodigals

My prodigal is my first born.

He has always been a spirited child.  He is high energy and curious and takes after his mother and my slightly contentious attitude.

He is charming.  He can light up a room and make someone feel good about themselves.

He is engaging.  He is passionate.  He gets involved in something and wants to take it on.  He wants to master something and be good at it, but sometimes gets discouraged at the difficulty.

I know all mothers think their children are attractive, but my son is attractive.  His big brown eyes and the puppy dog look he's mastered over the years can sway you.

He's articulate.  You often don't realize he's as young as he is when talking to him because he sounds older and more mature than he really is.

He can write beautifully.  There is a poet inside of him.  His stories and lyrics are beautiful.

I just wanted to write some beautiful things about my prodigal to remind myself they are there.

conversations with millenials

I have 2 kids.
Son, 19 
Daughter, 17

Both my kids have grown up in a Christian, fairly conservative home.
Things that have been important to me as a parent:
kindness
compassion
ability to think for yourself

I don't allow parroting of opinions.  You need to be able to back up what you say with facts and reason.  this is not always a fun environment for a kid, I admit; but I find it so terribly important to raise adults who can think for themselves.

Example:
My son had a bunch of friends over prior to our last Presidential election.  One of his friends made a comment about how he was voting for Bernie Sanders.  So.. I asked why.

Friend:  I think he'll make a really good President.

Me:  Why do you think he'll be a good President?

Friend:  Because he's the only one who really cares.

Me:  I don't know much about Bernie.  What does he do that makes you think he cares?  (honestly, this was totally conversational, not interrogating)

Friend:  I don't know.  I just think he does.  

Me:  I'd love to hear more.

Friend:  [stares blankly.  leaves room]

Me: [commenting to my son] He didn't grow up in this house, did he?

Son:  nope.


Before that friend left, I challenged him to do a little reading on why Bernie was so great and that I'd love to hear about why he likes Bernie next time he comes over.

A girl can try.

parenting

We are going through a tough time with one of my kids right now.
Our 16 year old son is really pushing boundaries and wants to be taken care of, but wants everything his way at the same time.  Sound familiar to anyone?

 

meet the puppies

This is Molly.

 

Molly is a DIVA and totally in charge.  She is also a cuddler and really (really really) insists on being with you, on you (preferably on your neck) or next to you.  But on you is best.

When she chases her brother around she goes for blood, tail, and, ahem, the nether regions.  Max has learned to run fast, but I worry a little about him sometimes.

Though I'll be stoned for saying I like one dog over the other, Molly is my favorite

(though I still prefer my cats).

 

So far Molly has been named: 

Precious Leia

Madam (something or other from The Wombles)

Girl

and now Molly.

 

 

This is Max.

 

Max is Molly's brother.

He is much calmer in general.  Wants to be a part of things but when it's time to sleep, he goes down by your feet to actually rest where Molly insists on staying on your neck, possibly inhibiting your ability to breath.  Max can roll over, but not yet on cue.  We're working on it.  Max will not go potty outside.  This is the dog that comes back in the house so he can use the pee pads.  (sarcastic smile)

 

Max's names so far have been:

Starbuck

Orinoco (another Wombles reference)

Boy

and now Max.

 

 

Max also has the strangest fur I have ever seen.

Not that you can entirely tell from this photo, but he kind of looks like he's wearing a tutu and has a Flock of Seagulls kind of forward swoosh thing doing on in the front, except Max doesn't get up in the morning and use 2 cans of hairspray to get his hair to become an immovable slide upon which other creatures could play on.

 

I sincerely doubt my ability to keep these dogs on a daily basis.  Usually around the time I'm trying to sleep and the other people in the house refuse to walk the dogs (that would be early morning when I've convinced myself the next 15 minutes of rest will make me feel more refreshed than the previous 6 hours I just spent sleeping.  Don't argue with me, I know how important those 15 minutes are.)  I cannot seem to convince anybody in the house that dogs need to walk (and pee) the moment they wake up -- just like humans!

 

There is a good chance on any given day that these puppies will need a new home.  Any takers?  They have all their shots but are only puppy pad trained (not fully housebroken).     No?  I didn't think so.  I guess I need to keep training them. :)

 

Have I told you how much I love my cats? =^.^=  

 

 

 

women in the church

We have it all wrong because we don’t understand how Paul wrote and what God means.

Does Jesus condemn woman as filthy and seductive?  Does He say that our speech is not to be heard?

Does Jesus say that women are less than men?  Less morally capable?  Less intelligent?

Well, the Talmud (oral Jewish law, Pharisees were famous for it… adding to THE Law from God)

Nowhere in the OT does God say that women cannot speak in church.

Go ahead and check. J

Apparently the Talmud does say to silence women.  This sounds much more like a Muslim teaching to me and since they are all from the same line, it’s not a stretch that this teaching would be in both systems.

The Talmud clearly affirms the silence of females:
“A woman’s voice is prohibited because it is sexually provocative” (Talmud, Berachot 24a).
“Women are sexually seductive, mentally inferior, socially embarrassing, and spiritually separated from the law of Moses; therefore, let them be silent” (summary of Talmudic sayings).

“It is a shame for a woman to let her voice be heard among men” (Talmud, Tractate Kiddushin).
“The voice of a woman is filthy nakedness” (Talmud, Berachot Kiddushin).

Does this sound like the voice of Jesus?  Do you think this is the kind of thing He said to the woman at the well?  To the adulteress the crowd was trying to stone?  Does it even sound like Paul?  It really doesn’t.  It sounds like man’s heart.  Like his desire to control and rule over things.  Look around the world and where greed and corruption flourish man is in control without being accountable to God.  Without a relationship with the creator of the world who desires an ongoing and intimate relationship with us.  What I really see above is that man’s heart is evil and corruptible if they think that every time a woman opens her mouth it is sexually provocative.  Typically, in our culture it is men who have the stronger sex drive.  I think it interesting that they try to put their own sins upon the woman.

I don’t see the Bible teaching that spiritual gifts are based on what chromosomes you have.  They are not dependent upon the sex of the recipient.  Thus, woman can have the gifts of teaching and pastorship. 

You can read more at THIS BLOG.
(THISis really good too, though I warn my Catholic friends, you will not like what she has to say)

And my new mantra for when people talk about how wives are to submit to their husbands is to reply… and husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church, even to the point of laying down their life for them.  That’s the kind of man I will submit to!

miss my son

My son is 15 years old and acting every moment of those 15 years on a daily basis.
 He is A T T I T U D E in spades and it's been quite a difficult summer for me.

He just left to go to England.  He flew alone and his grandparents met him on the other end.
I came home early to pick him up and he was not happy.  He was angry and more than anything stressed.  OK, I can appreciate that, but still I'm tired of his mouth.  Having to decide between keeping the lines of communication open and holding the line on the respect I need and desire as his mother.  We finally make it into the care and his stress level increases.  We left the house later than he would have liked (mind you we have a maybe 2 hour drive in bad circumstances ahead of us, but the rest is 10 mins of check in, security clearance and then just waiting around for 2-3 hours with your head leaning on a wall because there's too many people and not enough seats.  joy.

And we want to eat because everyone knows you can't bring food through security.
Eating outside of the airport didn't happen.  We found ourselves there and parking then realized food was initially on the agenda.  UG... I realize I will now have to sign over a kidney as a down payment on 3 day old sandwiches and a drink for the 3 of us.  $25 later with 1 sandwich, 1 drink, 1 pack of crisps and 1 muffin...I find a chair to recover from what I've just spend on "food" for my son.  I have chosen not to partake at this point hopeful that I can wait a little while and then leave him to sort it out.

What's that?  On overhead announcement.  Something about a delay with maintenance and they will give us another update at 7:50 - when the flight was initially scheduled to take off.
Long story short... They start boarding at 7:10 and nobody is listening to anything the gate agents are saying about how to line up and who can line up first etc.  They are all but rushing these few people.   I was actually surprised there was so little respect for those in control of the situation. 

Alex got on OK and I appropriately embarrassed him with photos.  I then asked the gate agent if this flight would actually take off tonight or was there a possibility it would not and how long would I have to wait to find out? I live an hour away and if I'm going to have to come back up, I'd like to know.
His suggestion was to ensure the flight had physically take off.  OK... 20 mins later we had our confirmation and I could make the journey home.

Start next day.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I am so teary eyed.  I feel like any minute I am going to start crying.  Not the most professional behavior so I tried to keep it in check; which kind of exhausted me,  today, I am a bit weepy and now I've added cranky.

I guess I just miss my son!