conversations with millenials

I have 2 kids.
Son, 19 
Daughter, 17

Both my kids have grown up in a Christian, fairly conservative home.
Things that have been important to me as a parent:
kindness
compassion
ability to think for yourself

I don't allow parroting of opinions.  You need to be able to back up what you say with facts and reason.  this is not always a fun environment for a kid, I admit; but I find it so terribly important to raise adults who can think for themselves.

Example:
My son had a bunch of friends over prior to our last Presidential election.  One of his friends made a comment about how he was voting for Bernie Sanders.  So.. I asked why.

Friend:  I think he'll make a really good President.

Me:  Why do you think he'll be a good President?

Friend:  Because he's the only one who really cares.

Me:  I don't know much about Bernie.  What does he do that makes you think he cares?  (honestly, this was totally conversational, not interrogating)

Friend:  I don't know.  I just think he does.  

Me:  I'd love to hear more.

Friend:  [stares blankly.  leaves room]

Me: [commenting to my son] He didn't grow up in this house, did he?

Son:  nope.


Before that friend left, I challenged him to do a little reading on why Bernie was so great and that I'd love to hear about why he likes Bernie next time he comes over.

A girl can try.

cough...sputter... surrender

My new favorite devotional is With God by Skye Jethani.

https://skyejethani.com/with-god-daily-devotional/

It's short, he links to scripture, even includes a prayer at the end (though with my current life I don't always have time to get down that far).

More importantly, it's deep.  He builds day to day on the same topic and I find that is really powerful in my life.  Do you ever notice how God speaks to you in multiple ways when He's trying to get your attention?
You hear a sermon at church. You hear the same message in a clip on the radio.  A similar issue comes up in the life of a friend (and now 'magically' you have scripture to pray over them because you've heard it a few times already).  A song comes on the radio and it speaks to that same message from God.  Hey girl, God is speaking to you!  Do you hear His voice?  I hear Him all the time.  I have a friend who like really hears Him.  She's so close to God He practically directs her day.  It's beautiful.  

My message of late is (cough, sputter) surrender.
Can I share that I hate that word?  It makes me afraid and fear is not something I suffer from.  I'm not a worrier, I don't ring my hands over issues generally.  I'm far too pragmatic for such behavior.  Yet, if you enter the word surrender into my life, suddenly I worry, "Oh no, what is God going to ask me for?"  "Do I have to give up everything and go work on a missionary field without access to a good manicurist and my daily cup of oh so carefully made coffee?"*  or worse, will He take me somewhere away from daily access to a computer?  Egaads what would I do? 

The answer to that is... I would, nay -- I will -- do what God calls me to do.
My fear of surrender involves several things.
1.  Giving up my belief that I'm in control.
2.  Giving up my belief that there is control to be had.
3.  Realizing God has the BEST plan for me.
4.  Realizing all my plans are for not without His blessing and guidance.

When I fear being homeless due to some catastrophic event... I hear the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear, I'll be with you should that happen.  Then I think, of the people we are most inspired by, who among them hasn't endured some kind of tragedy?  Who hasn't walked through a fire holding fiercely to Jesus as their endurance?

And I think... OK, surrender.
God's will for my life.
How courageous am I?




*Some could say I don't even drink coffee.  I drink Folgers instant in very specific measure with creamer and sugar.  I don't even let others make it for me.  But still, I love my coffee.

does God want us to enjoy life?

I know many of us enjoy Joyce Meyer’s teaching.  I’m not suggesting you stop listening, but I recently signed up for one of her weekly teachings with a bible study attached and was going through it when I hit the stop button.  

I have to point out that when listening to ANYONE you really need to let the Holy Spirit be a filter of wisdom to what you are hearing.  We are encouraged in Acts 17:11Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true.

To listen and then reason to see if what we are being taught is true.

If you aren’t already aware, there is a lot of concern over some of the things Joyce teaches.  I would be wary of any “name it and claim it”* or “prosperity”* teaching she shares.  *(hereinafter called Gimme Teachers J)

So, what I saw.. FAITH 101: New Life in Christ “Joyce University”God wants you to enjoy your life , and the only way you can do that is to discover and experience the abundant life Jesus gives.

JOHN 10:10 says: The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life , and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).

The bible does NOT SAY God wants us to enjoy life.  Joyce added this and she added it to scripture without a disclaimer that she was doing so (a rule of thumb I use when listening to teachers)  I did a quick word study** on this to see what the original language was and enjoy is not in the list.

What concerns me is this is a false teaching by others Joyce is associated with. Why is this an issue you may ask? 

The idea that God is primarily concerned with our ENJOYMENT or WEALTH or HAPPINESS is just not true.  Look at the fruit of the spirit:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness and self-control (I always get a tickle in my throat on the self-control…)

If this is what God seeks to build in our lives, if this is the product of our loving Him and showing others who He is in our lives… I don’t see enjoyment on the list.

Is enjoyment possible?  ABSOLUTELY… but it’s not a biblical directive, it’s a potential side effect of living for God.  My argument with such teaching (and I’m referring to the Gimme Teaching as a whole here, not just Joyce) is that they treat God like a genie or ATM who wants to give us all good things and we just have to ask.

Moms… do we want to give our kids all good things?  Yes.

Is this all we give our kids?  No.

Are some of the good things we give our kids not considered good by our kids?

As parents we must look ahead to the ramifications of behavior.  We are training our children to be good, decent, contributing members of society and yes, we want them to enjoy life and we want to bless them in any way we can… but that desire to bless them is tempered with not spoiling them by giving them everything they ask for.

God identifies himself as our Father and uses this language repeatedly in talking to us about who He is.

I don’t actually put Joyce in the same camp as the other “name it and claim it” or “prosperity” teachers.  She is more biblically correct than they are.  I also think that she speaks really strongly to people with anxiety and fear issues and teaches boldly about these.  That’s why I don’t just cross her off my list of teachers.  I still think we need to “be Bereans” and be wise, checking what we hear with God’s word.

p.s.

** sources for easy word study online  (images of examples below:

• Read NASB version of bible (I usually pull up paralell versions with NIV and NASB to ensure I understand what I’m reading.)
• (I also like AMP Amplified Bible which is the KJV with a commentary kind of built in to the verses.)
• www.biblegateway.com
• John 10:10 – paralell
• https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%2010%3A10&version=NIV;NASB
  
•  Read the whole paragraph and if necessary the whole chapter.  Remember context is king.
  
• Look up Greek word in Strong's Concordance (and don’t you just love technology?!! You can do that online with a few clicks HERE!)
• 
• Life:
  
• abundantly
  

So it is obvious from this that God wants MORE for our lives and I truly believe that most of us live way below God’s plan for our lives, but I think we focus on temporal things and God focuses on spiritual things.

repentance

I was talking with a friend of mine and had a wonderful revelation.

I have always struggled with understanding some things.  Like, how could David be such a SINNER and be called a man after God’s own heart and righteous and yet part of me identifies with that combination.  I always secretly believed that I could sin and still love God and be close to Him.  There are obviously many issues that come along with that like guilt and the sin separating me from God – except that the sin only separates me from God it doesn’t separate God from me.  God never leaves me.  He never forsakes me.  I forsake Him because of my own guilt.  The parable of the prodigal shows me that.  I believe people who say they are homosexual and love God.  I do not find those two things automatically mutually exclusive because if they are people who commit adultery or have sex outside of marriage but have hetero sex are in big trouble.

I’ve always been taught that repentance means to feel sorry for my sin and then turn away from it.  But that is not the Greek/Biblical definition of repentance.  The Greek definition is to turn away, to be changed from it. (http://biblesuite.com/greek/3340.htm)  This sits well with me.  How else could David be a man after God’s own heart and still commit the egregious sins he committed? 

I wonder how much the enemy has kept us from by keeping us focused on our own guilt instead of on following God balls out (if you’ll excuse the expression) failures and all and just keep going after all He is and all He wants for us.  Our guilt stops us in our tracks because we have the idea that God holds it against us when He tells us he doesn’t.  He gives the example of a loving father (not a bad father) to show us who He is.  He gives us the example of the prodigal who wants to go his own way and takes all God has to give and lives the life he thought he wanted to live and finds himself at the bottom only to discover he’s homesick and wants his daddy again.  When he goes home, there is Dad with open arms waiting expectantly to throw a party for his son’s return.  Is that how you feel after you sin and turn back to God?  Or do you still feel like you’re not good enough?  Like you have to “pay” for what you’ve done.  I think we convince ourselves that some payment is due even though perhaps we don’t give a voice to that semi-unconscious belief.

Throw off all that hinders you.

I am becoming renewed.
I am excited!
I can’t wait to hear what else God wants to tell me.

everything is a pyramid scheme these days

Can I just say -- it's exhausting how many "pyramid" style opportunities are out there.  Everything is a "sign up" program!!

I commented to a coworker how great he’s been looking.  He apparently started running and has just dropped 15 lbs.  I’d like to say without even trying because all women know that men lose weight so much easier than women do.  That whole more red blood cell/lower fat/muscle ratio thing; but then I’ve tried running and I cannot honestly put that in the “not even trying” category!

So I mentioned that I’m looking for something “fun” I might actually stick with, like maybe Zumba because it seems dance related.  So he asked his fiancé and then gave me her website.  Ta da… she does coaching for Beach Body fitness and the website even says…

Sign up to be nagged into working out and eating right or make money nagging others to exercise and eat right!

OK, maybe it didn’t say nagging, but that’s how I feel about it.

btw, did I mention I sell Mary Kay? 

I just signed up for mainly personal use.  I don’t see myself having parties or anything.  I just need others to help me hit that first order so I can get the 50% discount.  I think I’ve been signed up for 2 weeks and I have received over 14 emails.  From the group leader, from MK directly, telling me of different contests (including one where I can earn dishes?? – maybe people have enough makeup so they are branching out ♥).  I had to ask to be removed from the list because I was getting overwhelmed.

My life!!

teenage romance

I have a beautiful and (mostly) sweet 13 year old girl. 

This has caused me no small angst as a parent as I want to protect her from all the crud out there in the world.  However, the path I have chosen as a parent has been to prepare her for all the crud out there and (hopefully) empower her to be her own person, to stand up for herself, to hold others to a standard of behavior when they are around her.  (I say the path I have chosen because my husband is still very much in the protect her mode.)

The 13 year old boys however kind of freak me out.

I don't know --scratch that, I do know.

BOYS WERE NOT LIKE THIS WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER!!  Boys had nowhere near this kind of confidence or game.  Do they have YouTube video's that teach them how to woo a girl?  I mean, some of the stuff they come up with would work on me.  What is up with this?  

We had one boy over the summer who was upset because we wouldn't allow her to date.  (reasonable, right?!)  He tried to get our daughter to sneak behind our back and then when that didn't work he said he would wait for her.  A 12 year old boy is going to WAIT until they are 18 or maybe 16 and I'm thinking WHAT?

This other boy build up this girl he liked and kept telling my daughter about her until she realized it was her!  Smooth!  Very well done.  

Watch out girls.  That's all I'm saying!  Be careful who you give your heart to.

how to clean your washing machine

So, I posted the "outraged" idea that one now has to buy a product to clean your washing machine when said machine basically is filled repeatedly with hot soapy water.  One could easily intuit that the machine by it's very job is always clean.

Apparently, I was wrong.
http://laundry.about.com/od/washermaintenancerepair/a/cleanwasher.htm

I found that site while trying to relax last night.  Listening to a teaching with my daughter and playing on Pinterest.  Click...click...click... I do need to clean my washing machine???  Wow, who knew. 

Guess what I'm doing this weekend?

how to cook

One of my coworkers was talking about how she couldn't melt chocolate without burning it and would like to learn how to cook.  I put this together for her and realized, I know more about it than I thought. 

Computer is still being fixed so this will be short.

Here is a good place to start.  Honestly, just reading about how to cook, you gain a lot of info.  http://www.wikihow.com/Cook
A good cookbook -- or several -- is important.
I have the traditional standby by Betty Crocker (for that I seriously double all the spices, but that was after learning how to make things from it).
Silver Palate Cookbooks really kick things up in taste and variety.  A friend gave me their cookbook as a gift and it's a much better option once you have a bit more comfort.
Another tip:  WRITE IN YOUR COOKBOOK.  Did it come out OK?  Did you drop an ingredient you don't care for?  Make notes so you know what you liked or didn't like for next time.

Spice Charts:  (I used these for a long time, and could probably stand an update.  Helped me learn what to use for what and together)

http://www.spiceadvice.com/newsa/usage/chart.html

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art1431.asp

Find a website you like with recipes or come up with things you like to eat and I am willing to help you.  There are lots of short cuts you can learn.

Things I've learned over the years:

• Don't leave the kitchen.  the fastest way for dinner to be ruined in my home is for me to walk out of the kitchen.  I now bring my tablet in to half watch something or I listen to the radio or a podcast.
• Read the entire recipe all the way through and make sure you understand it all
• Have all ingredients ready before starting (ex:  chopped, washed, measured)
• Don't cook everything on high (I know it seems faster, but it cooks food uneven and often burns food)
• Remember that food continues to cook after you remove it from the heat.  Especially important in baking.
• Always let meat "rest" before cutting it (10 mins, to allow the juice to reabsorb)
• Start with only what the recipe calls for. (as you learn how to cook and what you like, you can change things up, but you don't want to "break" the rules until you understand them. 
• Baking is chemistry.  What you use is important.  There is a balance of oil, sugar, flour, etc.  And know that baking soda and baking powder are not the same thing!
• Most cookbooks have a "how to" section.  Read it.  They actually know what they are talking about.  (imagine that!)
• Have at least one good sharp knife.  Know how to use it.
• Personally, I don't cook using much oil, I prefer cooking spray just because it cuts on the grease.

oh no, not boys!

As a parent, there are a lot of areas that you know are coming and part of you want to prepare to do everything perfectly.  To be calm and collected, to know your stand is solid regardless of the emotional madness that will be send your way should said offspring choose to disagree with you.  Listen to that part of you.  Prepare.  Read, talk with other parents, pray.  Then sit back and practice some laughing because there will always be a little fun thrown into the mix and a sense of humor is often the only thing standing between your kids and a future jail sentence for you.

I hit this danger zone many (many) times with my son (going into High School this year).  He is a precocious child (meaning he thinks he's smarter than me -- sometimes he even is, plus he has more energy than me and can often just out wait me to win.  We have our battles, but we have some good discussions along the way.  Discussions I often walk away from with the understanding that I should write about that dialog there and by the next morning I find myself wondering if I've just been played by a boy who knows what I want to hear and knows that is the easiest way to end the conversation.  Hmmm.

My daughter is the newest danger zone.  It just -poof- happened the past few weeks of this summer.  A few jr high nights at school, a few community pool parties and suddenly my 12 year old is texting more boys that I even know!  She mature physically, has a good head on her shoulders for the most part.  I have seen her take a stand on things she was passionate about and walk away from friends who were behaving poorly.  So this isn't just a snotty, pms'ing, I wanna grow up and do all that fun stuff -- without my parents around -- girl. But she is talking to that girl inside of her and I find myself wanting to do anything to stop the conversation.  

I like that I can trust my daughter.
I like that basically she's always been a good girl.  (granted, she hates to do her chores, but that and some mouthing off have been the worst of our issues until now.)
Now, she has boys wanting to go to the movies, and buy her candy and drinks. Now she has them texting her ad nausea.  When they are together in groups, the boys are high-fiving each other that my daughter and her trusty friend "M" are hanging out with one boy they saw at the park and talking.  (I mean, why can't they just be seen as hanging out because the live near the park and happened to run into one another??  Why does it have to be characterized as the boy "picked up 2 babes and hey, way to go dude."  (do kids still say dude?  I still hear it, but I'm sure they will accuse me of being way out of date for having that in here.)

So, Mommy is freaking out.  Daddy isn't happy but seems to have it under control.

Some new guidelines...
No boys without a group (3 or more) and a chaperon over 18 (with some standards of behavior agreed to).
(Oh, the perfect chaperon just came to mind! -- insert evil parental smile!)
No boys alone (obviously).
Reiteration that texts are not private and will be read randomly.  (note to parents:  you can learn a lot with this one)

I'm also rethinking the Burka.  Maybe I was hasty in shunning the idea of it's repressive nature.  Perhaps they just want to keep their women safe!  I wonder if they come in other colors/patterns.  (wink)

Bloggess Indoctrination

If cursing is offensive to you, I recommend you read the disclaimer at the end first.  Just for the record, it's not my cursing... it's on another blog I link to.  I'd hate for you to be offended.

This is my Indoctrination for other blog posts I've written.  It seemed easier to do a separate post since r others, you do indeed require indoctrinating.

Note:  I really do more than just re-post Jenny's blogs.  But she's so awesome, how can I not share!!!

The indoctrination begins here...(click the towels)

continues when you buy and read this... (click the book)

and ends when this makes sense to you... 

(you can click if you want, but it's probably just what you thought it was.  A stuffed baby black unicorn.)

You're welcome!

P.S.  If by change you missed it, this is seriously worth reading.

as is this

Disclaimer:  I do not curse in this post (or really in this blog).  However, I am a fan of certain blogs and they do curse.  The nature of myself and the internet leads to many links and I would hate for you to not realize what you're getting yourself into.  Specifically here, The Bloggess curses a fair bit.  It's not the backbone of her humor (as some comedians use it) but it is liberally sprinkled throughout her site.  She is still hilarious and one of a few must read blogs on my list.  But I appreciate it isn't everyone's cup of tea.  

teaching history

Interesting article/show...

http://www.npr.org/2012/07/30/157604072/ever-growing-past-confounds-history-teachersI especially love the idea of tossing out the books to teach history in a way that really draws the student in and helps them understand WHY IT MATTERS instead of memorizing a bunch of facts; which in my book isn't learning.



I feel strongly about my kids (and myself) learning not just the facts, but the reasons why those facts are important.  Honestly, I went to school in one of the  best districts in the state and remember so little of what was taught to me.  The things I really remember are those that the teacher helped me UNDERSTAND!  I still remember the short story The Bet and my teacher telling me "it wretches me" as she described the issues in the story and what they really meant.  This ability to read and understand is highly under-developed in our world today.  I sincerely doubt we can point to any one reason why, thought I'm sure the technological revolution has something to do with it.  The short attention spans and the idea that within a few clicks on a keyboard, I  can know anything.  (I admit, I'm guilty here.)  However, I had a mom who felt it was important I understand how to have a discussion, how to reason. I ran with it and turned into what I now realize was a really obnoxious teen.  I was so sure I was right about everything because I read and thought I understood.  Add that knowledge to being a teen who already thinks we are unstoppable and you can imagine how I behaved.  (I'll give you a hint, there were a number of lunch tables that served as my soap box).  Fun times!


Do you know how to reason?  To think an idea through and know if it is logical and sound?  If not, this is something you should seriously consider adding to your "to do" list.  




And if you missed it in the link above:  http://histsociety.blogspot.com/2012/05/when-is-it-time-to-stop-teaching.html