feeling blue

I'm generally a fairly happy person.  I may have mentioned this before.)  I'm in the middle of a blue period.  I don't care for it.  It's day 3 of unhappiness and it's a form of torture to be here.  I just want it to stop.

I think...  I need more coffee.  (because coffee is always the answer... oh wait, no that's Jesus.  Jesus is always the answer.)
Coffee doesnt help.
Chocolate?  No dice.
Yes, I am reaching out to Jesus.  I'm praying though not enough.  I'm so uncomfortable that I find myself playing the Netflix and Escape game more than the be still and wait on God responsible activity.

I know --I hope/I believe -- being still and letting God closer will make me feel better.  Why don't I do it?  What silliness or contention is stopping me from at least some kind of relief?  I do not understand myself.

The struggle is real my friends.  It is real.

So I think about how other people feel this way all the time.  I think, man, I'm so happy this isn't too constant in my life.  It's such a burden to bear.  My heart softens a little at this thought.  It is a burden to carry these emotions around.  To be kind to others when you're finding it difficult to be kind to yourself.  To share a smile or work hard at your job when you feel like there is something wrong inside to the point of distraction.

I sit with that for a bit.  It's been banging around inside my head all day actually.  As one of my favorite bloggers reminds us... DEPRESSION LIES!  I know it's not truth.  I wish so much that I could help others understand just how much depression lies and that we can be free of the spiral of self hatred and unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

So... tonight.  I will try to spend more time with God.  I will try to do something productive that I can at least have a few checkmarks on my day as accomplishments.  And tomorrow.  Tomorrow is another day.  (yeah, I just did that.)

Recipe for a better day:

• good nights sleep
• start with God
• COFFEE
• practice smiling
• take a little extra time getting ready so I feel good about myself
• try to stay busy at work
• go on a walk at lunch
• eat decent
• B vitamins

We'll see how I do.

does God want us to enjoy life?

I know many of us enjoy Joyce Meyer’s teaching.  I’m not suggesting you stop listening, but I recently signed up for one of her weekly teachings with a bible study attached and was going through it when I hit the stop button.  

I have to point out that when listening to ANYONE you really need to let the Holy Spirit be a filter of wisdom to what you are hearing.  We are encouraged in Acts 17:11Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true.

To listen and then reason to see if what we are being taught is true.

If you aren’t already aware, there is a lot of concern over some of the things Joyce teaches.  I would be wary of any “name it and claim it”* or “prosperity”* teaching she shares.  *(hereinafter called Gimme Teachers J)

So, what I saw.. FAITH 101: New Life in Christ “Joyce University”God wants you to enjoy your life , and the only way you can do that is to discover and experience the abundant life Jesus gives.

JOHN 10:10 says: The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life , and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).

The bible does NOT SAY God wants us to enjoy life.  Joyce added this and she added it to scripture without a disclaimer that she was doing so (a rule of thumb I use when listening to teachers)  I did a quick word study** on this to see what the original language was and enjoy is not in the list.

What concerns me is this is a false teaching by others Joyce is associated with. Why is this an issue you may ask? 

The idea that God is primarily concerned with our ENJOYMENT or WEALTH or HAPPINESS is just not true.  Look at the fruit of the spirit:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness and self-control (I always get a tickle in my throat on the self-control…)

If this is what God seeks to build in our lives, if this is the product of our loving Him and showing others who He is in our lives… I don’t see enjoyment on the list.

Is enjoyment possible?  ABSOLUTELY… but it’s not a biblical directive, it’s a potential side effect of living for God.  My argument with such teaching (and I’m referring to the Gimme Teaching as a whole here, not just Joyce) is that they treat God like a genie or ATM who wants to give us all good things and we just have to ask.

Moms… do we want to give our kids all good things?  Yes.

Is this all we give our kids?  No.

Are some of the good things we give our kids not considered good by our kids?

As parents we must look ahead to the ramifications of behavior.  We are training our children to be good, decent, contributing members of society and yes, we want them to enjoy life and we want to bless them in any way we can… but that desire to bless them is tempered with not spoiling them by giving them everything they ask for.

God identifies himself as our Father and uses this language repeatedly in talking to us about who He is.

I don’t actually put Joyce in the same camp as the other “name it and claim it” or “prosperity” teachers.  She is more biblically correct than they are.  I also think that she speaks really strongly to people with anxiety and fear issues and teaches boldly about these.  That’s why I don’t just cross her off my list of teachers.  I still think we need to “be Bereans” and be wise, checking what we hear with God’s word.

p.s.

** sources for easy word study online  (images of examples below:

• Read NASB version of bible (I usually pull up paralell versions with NIV and NASB to ensure I understand what I’m reading.)
• (I also like AMP Amplified Bible which is the KJV with a commentary kind of built in to the verses.)
• www.biblegateway.com
• John 10:10 – paralell
• https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%2010%3A10&version=NIV;NASB
  
•  Read the whole paragraph and if necessary the whole chapter.  Remember context is king.
  
• Look up Greek word in Strong's Concordance (and don’t you just love technology?!! You can do that online with a few clicks HERE!)
• 
• Life:
  
• abundantly
  

So it is obvious from this that God wants MORE for our lives and I truly believe that most of us live way below God’s plan for our lives, but I think we focus on temporal things and God focuses on spiritual things.

aspartame

It started about 6 years ago when I had to stop using Equal cold turkey due to some pretty serious side effects.  I was a heavy Equal user.  I thought it was the best thing ever created!  I have a major sweet tooth and it demanded to be fed.  I put lots of Equal in everything I drank and ate.  Why not... no calories. :)
I'm not one of those rabid anti-aspartame people because I don't like them... and I didn't listen to them.  After all, I was perfectly fine and I used more Equal than the average person.  If any of these scary side effects would occur, I was the #1 potential person to display such side effects and I was fine.  So leave me alone!  

Until one day I wasn't fine.
I started having ocular migraines.  I would lose vision in one eye or lose the ability to focus.  It really freaked me out, but then, I found out what it was and since I get migraines, the ocular wasn't so scary and bonus... little to no pain (for me anyway).  Way easier to deal with than a traditional migraine.

Then I started getting these sharp pains and really bad headaches; then these headaches were combined with vision loss.  I would get vision disturbances.  Then my vision started going.  Let me tell you... when you start having eye problems; everything comes to a screeching halt!

What was happening to me?!!!

I booked an appointment with a neurologist (but had to wait a week for my appointment).

My vision got worse,  I started losing my field of vision and it was freaking me out.  The headaches were bad.  I wasn't feeling well and I'm sure the stress didn't help.

So... I turned to my best friend Google.
typed in:  sudden onset headache with vision issue (or something like that) and every single entry had to do with aspartame.

I've since done that search and you get results all over the place.  

So I thought... what have I got to lose?  I stopped aspartame that day and within 3 days all my symptoms were gone!!

I've tested this "diagnosis" a few times myself and each time aspartame is added back in I get  the headache back within an hour.  That is enough for me.

So, I don't use aspartame anymore.
I switched to "real" sugar (you know the white processed stuff).

Amazingly... my desire for sweets DECREASED!  I just don't understand that!
Maybe it has something to do with eating something real or caloric and processing that vs. pretend sugar?  

So... I won't go around shouting from the rooftops that aspartame is the embodiment of evil.  But... if you are having headaches all the time, you might want to look at this as a cause and make some changes.  :)

Word of the Week

Because the world is too serious (and because I work in corporate America and I don't necessarily fit in here) I try to add a splash of color and fun to our offices and now I'm sharing that with you.

Feel free to print and share.

now I have to clean my washing machine?

When did this become a thing?

Clicking this button will do nothing because I am not linking to something I deem as unnecessary.
Wait, when I think about that, I may not be entirely honest there.
Still, no link.

Now, on top of having to clean my clothes in the washing machine I also have to actually clean my washing machine?

Did I miss something?
Don't I put soap and alternate hot water and even bleach into this machine which churns and activates said soap/water/bleach?!?

Now I have to clean that too?

Hmmm, considering there are dishes in my sink from 3 days ago, I'll add this to the bottom of the list.

how to cook

One of my coworkers was talking about how she couldn't melt chocolate without burning it and would like to learn how to cook.  I put this together for her and realized, I know more about it than I thought. 

Computer is still being fixed so this will be short.

Here is a good place to start.  Honestly, just reading about how to cook, you gain a lot of info.  http://www.wikihow.com/Cook
A good cookbook -- or several -- is important.
I have the traditional standby by Betty Crocker (for that I seriously double all the spices, but that was after learning how to make things from it).
Silver Palate Cookbooks really kick things up in taste and variety.  A friend gave me their cookbook as a gift and it's a much better option once you have a bit more comfort.
Another tip:  WRITE IN YOUR COOKBOOK.  Did it come out OK?  Did you drop an ingredient you don't care for?  Make notes so you know what you liked or didn't like for next time.

Spice Charts:  (I used these for a long time, and could probably stand an update.  Helped me learn what to use for what and together)

http://www.spiceadvice.com/newsa/usage/chart.html

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art1431.asp

Find a website you like with recipes or come up with things you like to eat and I am willing to help you.  There are lots of short cuts you can learn.

Things I've learned over the years:

• Don't leave the kitchen.  the fastest way for dinner to be ruined in my home is for me to walk out of the kitchen.  I now bring my tablet in to half watch something or I listen to the radio or a podcast.
• Read the entire recipe all the way through and make sure you understand it all
• Have all ingredients ready before starting (ex:  chopped, washed, measured)
• Don't cook everything on high (I know it seems faster, but it cooks food uneven and often burns food)
• Remember that food continues to cook after you remove it from the heat.  Especially important in baking.
• Always let meat "rest" before cutting it (10 mins, to allow the juice to reabsorb)
• Start with only what the recipe calls for. (as you learn how to cook and what you like, you can change things up, but you don't want to "break" the rules until you understand them. 
• Baking is chemistry.  What you use is important.  There is a balance of oil, sugar, flour, etc.  And know that baking soda and baking powder are not the same thing!
• Most cookbooks have a "how to" section.  Read it.  They actually know what they are talking about.  (imagine that!)
• Have at least one good sharp knife.  Know how to use it.
• Personally, I don't cook using much oil, I prefer cooking spray just because it cuts on the grease.

computer virus imposed "vacation"

My computer has been very ill for a very long time and while I plot the evil demise of all who write and distribute computer viruses (oh and try to figure out how to pay for fixing my computer), I will quickly post this...

Most Inappropriate Pumpkin Carving

7 hour adventure

If cursing is offensive to you, I recommend you read the disclaimer at the end first.  Just for the record, it's not my cursing... it's on another blog I link to.  I'd hate for you to be offended.

If you don't know why going to see Jenny Lawson is terribly important, you might want to start here.

If you understand why I did this... then please keep reading.

I went on an adventure Tuesday night.  The excitement began inside me when I decided to go and just built until I arrived.  I love stuff like this!  I only wish a couple of my friends could have joined me!

I got to work early so I could leave early so I could drive home to pick up my kids and drive to San Diego (from Orange County and not the southern end of the OC!).  Our adventure lasted 7 hours and cost me WAY too much money!  (way way too much money)

I had it all worked out.  Leaving early from work I could miss most of the traffic, we'd listen to a book on tape to make our journey more pleasant (and hopefully avoid fighting over different music tastes and my desire to listen to NPR which my (woefully uneducated) children find boring).  However, I left the cassette converter thingy in my husband's car and while I planned to use a mini speaker I recently purchased, I learned that even with the speaker at top volume... a Kindle just does not want to be loud enough for 4 people to listen to it in a car while moving.

So the book on tape was abandoned.  Which seemed sad to me because I actually had to argue with my kids to listen to it in the first place and having finally convinced them; I now had no satisfaction in their enjoyment doing something they initially didn't want to do.  (Mom's are like that.)

We drove.  The kids complained about being hungry and commented on each potential eating establishment as we drove down the freeway at breakneck speeds (all our necks are fine thank you).  We missed all the OC traffic (probably because I wasn't willing to feed my poor children (hey!  I told them to have a sandwich before I got home!).  Made it half way down the 78 and slowed to about 20mph.  JOY.  We started reading Jenny's book...we started laughing and my driving became more erratic.

Wow... I wrote that much and we haven't even met Jenny yet!  OK, I'll speed this up.

After stopping for gas (because my readout that tells me how many miles I can drive on the gas in my car went from 2 to 0 about 10 miles away from our destination) we finally arrived at the Barnes & Noble in Mira Mesa at 5:55pm.  Having read other blog posts about the crowds, I knew it was going to be busy! Alas, there were no more chairs left and even the open space around the chairs was quickly filling up.  I ran to buy the book (gasp, choke-- who knew a hardback book cost THAT much?  I'm an e-book girl all the way!) and ran back to secure my place in the crowd.  (Kids hung out in the car for a bit)

I met some great people and we all had a lot of fun hanging out.  One of those people was Melanie who kindly took pictures and shared them with me.  She also writes about the event on her blog here.

My favorite picture is this one...

My daughter looks so pretty and creepy holding and petting the chicken while the rest of us discuss what twine is and why it's important.

I think we overwhelmed the bookstore.  Apparently the last time they saw a crowd like this Ozzy Osborne was there.  We completely overwhelmed the A/C!  I mean girl, it was HOT in there!  We stood, we sat, we took pictures, we waited.  My kids brought the metal chickens in to be autographed and I was surprised to see I wasn't the only metal chicken bearer.  

Chicken Brigade... added humor, the redhead in the striped shirt is *afraid of chickens*

Then Jenny arrived.  I think the only thing that kept us from mobbing Jenny and  giving her the biggest group hug she's ever had is our knowledge of her anxiety and crowd issues.  We clapped and they worked out the microphone, then she warned everyone that she was about to say F*** a lot and started reading a chapter from her book.  (a particular favorite of mine about ExLax)  We howled with laughter.  

Q&A time - best question goes to the man in the back.  "Jenny, is there anything I can do to dissuade my wife from buying a stuffed moose?"

Jenny:  No.

Ha!  She said more, but the crowd egged them on and agreed she needed the moose.  In fact, Jenny said, "Who wouldn't want a moose?!"

The line for autographs was loooong and I was super grateful to be at about the halfway point.  I think the line winded through most of the store (I couldn't actually see because I'm vertically challenged).  I thought a bunch of people had gone home and said as much when I was corrected by a taller person who saw the truth.

I had books and chickens signed while confessing my concern for being voted "worst parent" for bringing my children along to meet her.  Jenny assured me they were old enough for me to avoid such a title.

See Jenny's hand there signing the book! 

My daughter is still holding the chickens!

Some of those items signed are gifts to friends.  I'm so looking forward to the giving of said gifts!!  It really is the best thing to share laughter!!

I think that's what I love about Jenny so much.  She takes all the events in her life and finds a way to laugh about it.  Maybe not immediately, but the laughter is there to find.  

Thanks for letting us laugh along with you Jenny!

Thanks for introducing me to Jenny, Kathy!  I can never repay you!


Disclaimer:  I do not curse in this post (or really in this blog).  However, I am a fan of certain blogs and some do curse.  The nature of myself and the internet leads to many links and I would hate for you to not realize what you're getting yourself into.  Specifically here, The Bloggess curses a fair bit.  It's not the backbone of her humor (as some comedians use it) but it is liberally sprinkled throughout her site.  She is still hilarious and one of a few must read blogs on my list.  But I appreciate it isn't everyone's cup of tea.  

Bloggess Indoctrination

If cursing is offensive to you, I recommend you read the disclaimer at the end first.  Just for the record, it's not my cursing... it's on another blog I link to.  I'd hate for you to be offended.

This is my Indoctrination for other blog posts I've written.  It seemed easier to do a separate post since r others, you do indeed require indoctrinating.

Note:  I really do more than just re-post Jenny's blogs.  But she's so awesome, how can I not share!!!

The indoctrination begins here...(click the towels)

continues when you buy and read this... (click the book)

and ends when this makes sense to you... 

(you can click if you want, but it's probably just what you thought it was.  A stuffed baby black unicorn.)

You're welcome!

P.S.  If by change you missed it, this is seriously worth reading.

as is this

Disclaimer:  I do not curse in this post (or really in this blog).  However, I am a fan of certain blogs and they do curse.  The nature of myself and the internet leads to many links and I would hate for you to not realize what you're getting yourself into.  Specifically here, The Bloggess curses a fair bit.  It's not the backbone of her humor (as some comedians use it) but it is liberally sprinkled throughout her site.  She is still hilarious and one of a few must read blogs on my list.  But I appreciate it isn't everyone's cup of tea.  

Stuff You Should Do

Never be afraid to dart around in public humming the mission impossible theme song.