Wednesday, August 14, 2013


I hate traffic.  I used to be kind of chill about it but as my life continues to fill up, I find my patience is wearing thin.  So thin that the idea of picking up and moving to Texas (or some other state where I imagine life is more perfect, a bit slower and ... I guess different) anyway, the idea of picking up and moving someplace with less people becomes very attractive.  I never used to think about this and now I find I'm thinking about it daily.  BUT (of course that was coming) I think I would be the one pushing that decision and I'm not sure I could handle that much on my shoulders -- especially with both my hubby and I working and with the difficult couple of years we've had.  It just doesn't make sense.  That's what makes dreams nice... I'm not committed to it, but knowing that option exists helps.

OMG, my kids are watching Hannah Montana!  They have been so over Miley for years, I'm surprised.  We did love that show!  She was so cute.  It makes me sad that she feels such a need to prove to the world that she's all grown up now and likes to smoke pot and hangs with Snoop Dog (do I even have that rapper right?).  I wish she could have hung in there.  It makes me realize how important it is that we not hang our ideals on people but only on God. 

I have been very anxious all day and I sincerely hate anxiety.  I think I may hate it more than depression, but then, I'm probably better at fighting off depression.  Anxiety is harder for me.  It makes me feel so defeated and I want to run away from myself and distract myself and hide.  What I should do is go "workout" (I say workout like it's a part of my vocabulary, but I assure you it's not.)

OK, I just pinned a bunch of stuff about exercise.  Now I actually feel slightly motivated to do it BUT (yep there's that word again) I would have to get dressed again and put a bra back on.  So when I reason that out a bit I think; seriously... how long does that actually take?  60 seconds?  Maybe 2 minutes?  Am I willing to admit that 2 mins of dressing is the only thing stopping me from a healthier me who feels better and might deal with the anxiety I say I hate so much.


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